After World Wide Hulk ended and I saw the list of books that were coming out afterwards, I had pretty much resigned myself to not buying anything in the Hulk Universe anymore.
Matter of fact, the only reason I bought Incredible Herc #111: the Art Adams cover. No, seriously.
Damn, am I glad I did!
On paper, this should have been awful. Hercules, a character who can't maintain his own title for longer than 20 issues. Amadeus Cho, another one of those Marvel characters who is smarter than everybody else*
And I'll be honest, the first issue was just okay but then Pak had the inspired idea to make the first true villain of the first arc, Ares.
It's as if everyone forgot that Ares used to be a villain and a dick for that matter.
The ongoing fight between the two - which his hilarious yet manages to grow the characters - is what Daniel Way is going for with his Wolverine vs. Deadpool fight in Wolverine: Origins with less than stellar returns. Tying their fight to Hercules' mythology has made Hercules and Ares more interesting characters.
Meanwhile, you have Amadeus Cho continuing his ongoing technological war with S.H.E.I.L.D. I appreciate that while Cho is incredibly intelligent, he is a kid and his emotional rationalization for his actions are questionable and immature (bringing down the nation's security for his injured puppy?)
It's kinda sad that the best Marvel books out right now - The Incredible Herc, Iron Fist, The Order - don't involve their flagship characters and are on the verge of (or already are headed for) cancellation
If Jeph Loeb's Hulk is the future of the character, I hope he never comes back to Incredible.
* Do they still make Marvel baseball cards with the stats on the back? If so, who is officially the smartest person in the Marvel Universe?
Monday, March 24, 2008
When Bad Idea Jeans Fit Very Nice
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
World War Hallow: Weasleys Getting Gully Edition
Lord.
Lord.
Smashathon 2007 took a back seat last week. Last week was all about getting a cup of coffee at 10:30, getting in line at 11, dealing with kids stepping over me until midnight, getting it at 12:15, getting home at 12:30, having a sifter of Henny at 2:30, screaming “DON’T GO UPSTAIRS YOU MORON” at 3, making a cup of dat earl grey at 4:30, crying because she killed SPOILER DELETED at 5:30, making the pot of coffee at 6:30, finishing at 8, being giddy until 9 am, and falling asleep for 3 hours.
And then reading it again. The whole thing. Twice in one day. I defy anyone to fuck with my dork grind.
So in honor of the conclusion of the best series of books of all time, World War Hulk doesn’t get a smash factor this week. World War Hulk gets a Hallow Factor.
Hulk/She Hulk interaction: One Hallow
WWH has contained a lot of stereotypical female behavior. Last episode, Medusa was on some “Don’t Mess With My Man” shit like she was Lucy Pearl. And here comes She Hulk with the “everyone has tried to talk with him, but not ME, I’m SPECIAL, he’ll listen to ME.” The only thing worse than trying to reason with a green pissed off galactic king is when you BITE THAT STEEZ. I’m talking to you, Sue Storm. Bad enough that She-Hulk thought the whole cousin thing was going to help, but why would Hulk care what Sue thinks?
He doesn’t. He doesn’t care what any of the hos think. Hulk has a gaping hole in his heart where his queen used to live, and no words of solace from his puny cousin is going to fix it. For his animal masculine needs, he’s got that Kaifi chick in the golden armor. Which means, in a way, that Hulk is pretty enlightened. Regardless of your race, gender, or religion, Hulk will treat you the same. Hulk will smash your damn body through three feet of road.
Cumulative Hulk Crew Smashing: One Hallow
Man, on the page where the Warbound go through the Avengers, you see Hulk did not bring the B Team back to Earth. The Ambiguous Gender dude with the metal arms plasmas Luke Cage to the
Storm, Torch, and Thing Trying Hard: Three Hallows.
Storm threw a hurricane at Hulk. Johnny set about four square blocks on fire. Thing had the utter audacity to try to slug it out. If you’re a citizen of the 616, you can’t ask anymore. If you’re a superhero and you throw a hurricane, you’ve done your job. Sometimes you just have to tip your cap to the other guy. Barkley played like a beast in the 93 Finals, but Mike was better. No shame.
Hulk CLAPPING ON THING’S DAMN HEAD: One Hallow
Ain’t nothing sweet.
Intermission: One Hallow awarded to WWH XMen 2
Enough people have commented upon the fact that the books affiliated with WWH haven’t helped advance the story much.
To which I reply: “Story? Qua?”
I’ve glanced at a couple of the side issues. People have gone overboard with the Ghost Rider slander, which was only bad the first issue and downright enjoyable in the second. Incredy 107 was fine. Thus far, WWH XMen has contained some of the best smashing of the series. Issue 2 features Wolverine getting pummeled and Hulk not caring that Kitty turned his arms into stone.
End Intermission
Richards: Three Hallows
Reed Richards going out like an absolute punk has to be the highlight of the series thus far. At least Iron Man built a cool suit and tried to fight. Mr. Fantastic built a nightlight.
I was quite pleased to see that the Marvel writers followed the laws of physics. When Hulk put the Macho Man Savage double axe handle on Reed’s head, it properly caused Reed’s body to expand outward, much in the same way that squeezing the middle of a tube of toothpaste will sent Colgate screaming towards both ends. Reed also suffered the further humiliation of the Hulk dragging him through the street. This indicates that Hulk realizes that while all the Illuminati deserve his hate, only one deserves his complete disdain.
General Ross 2 Page Spread: Minus One Hallow
So Issue 3 is going to be Hulk throwing tanks around? What’s so cool about that? Hulk has already taken down Tony, Reed, and Black Bolt. I assume he’s throwing Xavier over his shoulder in the third XMen issue. From a vengeance perspective, all he really has to do is bust into Sanctum Sanctorium and we’ve run out of plot for the last three issues. I don’t care about the Sentry at all, but judging by the Issue 5 cover his fight with Hulk is going to be the climax of the whole event. I’m worried, fam.
Final Hallow Rating: Nine Hallows
Granted, the new Harry Potter got a billion jillion Hallows, but for a comic, you can assume 9 Hallows to be pretty frickin’ sweet.
Read More......Saturday, June 16, 2007
An Idiot's Guide to World War Hulk: It's Here (C) Common
Now I know why the Posse needed me. If you go over to okayplayer.com right now, you can hear a lot of fools screaming that this issue gets an infinite smash factor. These are the same people who called Stillmatic a classic. The post-modern devaluation of standards of good and bad has now taken some of the greatest comics minds of my generation. For shame, PtP. For shame.
Not to get all Russian figure skating judge on you, but there are some clear elements of WWH that necessitate mandatory deductions. For one thing, the “puny human” and “smash” talk is overdone. Yes, it’s the Hulk and these are his signature lines. He doesn’t have to say them every page, and his adversaries don’t have to use them nearly so often. Should Ms. Marvel really be saying that Hulk smashed Black Bolt? That’s really her go-to verb in that situation?
More importantly, people need to get their fight standards up, because the fight with Black Bolt was just awesome, not insane, grotesque, over-the-top, the-Hulk-is-back-in-town-and-the-world-is-doomed awesome. Yes, watching Black Bolt’s voice peel back the skin on Hulk’s face transported me to a higher place Yes, the “I want to hear you scream” line was cold. Yes, waving his carcass around for the world to see was gangsta.
But can we please see the actual smashing? I need to know how Hulk got over on Black Bolt. Did Hulk take him down in a fair fight, or did he just get the jump on him with that flying leap and knock him out before Bolt could really get going? If it’s the latter, did he really do anything that cool? I could sneak up behind Liddell and smack him on the head with a 2X4, and I’ve won the fight. I demand this fight be given proper treatment in one of the side books this month, or I demand seeing Hulk throw Bolt around later in the series.
So let’s chill on the perfect smash factor talk.
However…
Man.
Man.
FUCKING A
There was some smashing.
Asteroids got smashed. It’s their fault for chilling out between Mars and Jupiter and not forming a planet like the rest of the rocks in its graduating class. And then Hulk jumped onto the Moon. This may be the underrated moment of the series. Only suckers dock their ship and use the airlock.
Let none of the preceding argument make the reader think that I do not recognize the fundamental coolness of how thoroughly Hulk smashed Black Bolt. Dude peeled back Hulk’s skin, and Hulk was on him three seconds later. My favorite moment of the encounter was cocky-ass Medusa talking up her man before the throwdown. We desperately needed a few panels with her afterwards, because now that he’s got his ass smashed, we all know there’s NO damn way she’s sticking with Black Bolt. After the fight Hulk was probably all like, “Woman, you like inhumans? This is my ace, the Brood.” Brood be like, “Sup darling? The X Men fucked up my thrown world. I gots to go fuck up their mansion, but how bout I holla at you on the way back?” And that’s how Medusa is gonna roll, because she tired of fucking her mute-ass cousin for all these years.
(Oh shit, son. Shelly knows some back story.)
Figure 2: PtP is for the ladies
And then there was the royal dicking Tony Starks receives on EVERY SINGLE PAGE of this book. Please don’t sleep on the feedback loop the Warbound sent straight to Tony’s dome. That’s absolutely critical, since it showed Tony he was not fucking with the same dumb Hulk of years gone by. Tony got his ass whupped so bad that Dr. Strange had to show up and TELL him he got his ass whupped. Damn.
Then there’s the fight itself. Legendary. Down by law. Everything you could expect from this series and more. I’ve got to say, Tony tried. That rocket fist is cool, and the ability to throw the Hulk through several buildings should not be underestimated.
However, two obvious mistakes doomed Tony to quick and brutal retribution. First, Iron Man punked himself with his pompous, Rumsfieldian “I will protect you” speech. That speech made me resolve to finally read Civil War, because I need to know what possible sequence of events could have made a tin can so gassed on himself. The writers deserve all the credit in the world for including the prototypical “bad guy talking shit halfway through the fight and making a really bad mistake in doing so.” I was really glad Hulk didn’t hear that speech, because he would have started laughing, which would have compromised his madness level.
But you really can’t blame Tony for getting himself smashed. The second, absolutely critical mistake that doomed him was not his fault. Right now, open a new tab, wiki “Iron Man’s Armor,” and note where it says that his brand new Hulkbuster Armor MKII has Tony “ready to tackle the Hulk upon his return from space.”
Ha.
Ha Ha
AHAHAHAA!!
“OH HELL...”
Figure 3: OopsSOME STARKS FAN BOY RAN HIS MOUTH!!! HULK SAW THAT!! HIS SHIP HAS NET ACCESS!! NOW SOME BUSH VOTING STARK FAN BOY IS CRYING!!
Needless to say, Hulk slightly disagreed with Fan Boy’s assessment. Needless to say, Hulk SMASHED HIM THROUGH EVERY FUCKING FLOOR IN A 100 STORY BULDING. If we're honest with ourselves, we can say that WWH can end right now and we can’t complain, because we can't ask anything more than that. He took apart frickin’ Iron Man completely and in mere seconds.
But the folks at Marvel will deign to give us more goodness. Every time I think of that last panel, I crack a little smile, because I think of what Colonel Sanders and the rest of the Love Brigade must look like then they see Hulk coming out of the rubble even madder. They know their time is coming in Issue 2. I imagine this does not sit well with them.
Smash Factor: 4.33 out of 5. It's on.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Worst Comic I Bought This Week: Uncanny X-Men #487
I spend a shitload of money on comics and while I wish they were all winners, odds are they are a couple of stinkers in the bunch. Every week, I'm going to post about the comic I wish I had left on the shelves. It goes without saying that there will be spoilers.
The Comic: Uncanny X-Men #487
Writer: Ed Brubaker
Artist: Salvador Larroca
Description: The X-Men are back from space! Well, half of them, anyway. The team is shattered, broken and separated. The group that has returned to earth is finding it much worse than how they left it-- especially underground. Attacks in the Morlock Tunnels immediately grab the X-Men’s attention. What do these attacks have to do with the future of the mutant race? Maybe special guest-star Storm can get to the bottom of all this!
Why It Sucked: Now that the mediocre "Rise & Fall of the Shi'ar Empire" which after 12 issues really didn't end, it just gave the editors a way to get Professor X his powers back (Once Magneto gets his powers back...or did that already happen...House of M will have been nothing more than an excuse to start three Wolverine origin minis and make everyone hate Brian Michael Bendis even more)...where was I? Oh yeah. This comic made no sense. The Morlocks are back and hatching some plan that involves hurting poor little Leech. Warpath flirts with Hepzibah over knives and Storm takes a break from her other two books (Black Panther - which should be renamed When Stormy Met T'Challa or Sleepless in Wakanda - and The Fantastic Six) because for some reason, Brubaker decides to bring up that old Storm used to run the Morlocks angle. That was the 80's, Ed. What kind of influence would Storm have over the Morlocks? That's like asking Jimmy Carter to end the Iraq War. Anyway, I'm going to pretend that Brubaker didn't write this shit.
Runner-Up: Countdown #47. Sure, Black Adam, murderer of maybe a million people, could hide out in Gotham and Batman wouldn't fucking know! Sure.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Friday, March 09, 2007
The Good Captain.
So, they killed Captain America the other day.
It's made the news - Hell, they talked about it on the Colbert Report.
We could discuss the thematic implications, the narrative construction - the whole shmear.
We could.
And it would be all over the map.
I'd rather discuss the necessity of killing Captain America.
I'm an old Cap fan. I have almost the entire Mark Gruenwald run, which spanned 1985-1995. I'm talking from the time I was in grade school through my high school years, I was a Captain America fiend. See, Gruenwald didn't run away from the fact that Captain America was a 'man out of time' - or as Paul Jenkins portrayed him in Frontline #11, a dinosaur who no longer represented the people. Gruenwald played into it. He used Cap as an icon, letting his understanding of the evolving American context reflect in Cap's 'stranger in a strange land'. And when Cap had doubts about that context, he took sabbaticals - some forced, some voluntary. See, the question of working for the government came up before - in the 90s it was all about The Commission and Henry Gyrich. And Cap made clear he fought for the people and, ultimately, the American ideal. And when he had doubts, he'd leave his 'office', so to speak, and get his head together. 
And once he hashed shit together, and figured out his place in the modern American narrative, he returned, reinvigored, and fought on. So okay, Civil War. Cap's out of step with public opinion, it seems. He surrenders, walks off in cuffs, because he believes at heart he has failed the American people, yadda yadda. He can be in prison, removed, with the possibility of return. It takes him off the stage, gives time to recycle the character, try new stories - which the Marvel people keep saying is the at the heart of this dramatic move...
But giving him the Jack Ruby?
It smacks of a bad marketing ploy.
And I can't decide if that's necessary for the story.
Discuss.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
I wish I worked for Marvel's marketing department
I'm a cheap bastard.
I'm a college student, so I don't have much disposable income.
After beer and food, I don't really have much left in my budget for comics.
Thankfully the owner of my local comic shop is cool and lets me leech off his shelves like the little kid at the news stand in Watchmen. That is, as long as I buy a couple of books every week.
My point being is that this week, as i sat in Quinlan Keep's comfy chair, Marvel made me pick up a whole stack of comics just to keep up with what's going on with the Civil War aftermath. My problem isn't that there was too much coming out, that's never a problem.
The problem was that there wasn't enough!
In every issue, as Tony Stark was trying to pick out the new Avengers lineup, he had a pretty nifty screen showing all of the registered heroes and villains he had to pick from.
As I saw this over and over again, I wondered why I didn't have access to this.
I sat contemplating how easy it would be for Marvel to set up a mini-site with a replica of Stark's database showing exactly what he's looking at. Personally, that would clear up a lot for me. I'm not very well versed in the more denizens of the Marvel universe, and I'm sure that same thing alienated a lot of casual readers from Civil War.
I mean, I had never even heard of Typeface before Frontline, and now I'm supposed to care that he died?
Then the advertising student part of my barin kicked in, and I thought of how much farther they could have gone with this.
Marvel could put a few weeks between Civil War #7 and Mighty Avengers #1 and given readers a chance to guess the new lineup using Tony's database.
They could have made it a contest and given a prize to whoever guessed it right.
I mean, I think it's pretty safe to say that Marvel wouldn't have had to give out shit, because not one single person in their right mind would have picked fuckin' Ares (but I am interested to see where they go with that).
Anyway, the whole contest could have been interesting. The fans would be involved, visiting the site, reading each others' lineups, message board arguing (and from a marketing point of view, reading ads and adding their emails to marvel.com's newsletter).
Quesada and the gang could even choose like 5 of the coolest team combinations and give the winners autographed drawings of their Dream Mighty Avengers. Nerds love shit like that.
I graduate in May.
Gimme a job, Quesada.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
The Brilliance and Not-So-Much of New Avengers
I am as big a Marvel fan as they come when it comes to the PTP. Most of the books I read are Marvel, with the exception of some gems like Justice. One of my favorites month in and month out is New Avengers.
I was never a fan of the Avengers of old. I didn't quite understand how these guys could make up Marvel's greatest heroes with people like Wasp, any version of Hank Pym, Hawkeye, Tigra, War Machine, Wonder Man, Ms. Marvel, etc, etc. Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor, even Hercules, were the only ones who could fit this bill because of their status as Marvel or other icons. The writing was always weak and cliche, and the changing roster did not seem to fully grasp the idea of 'Earth's Mightiest Heroes'. Then came Bendis and this idea for Avengers Disassembled. He knew that a book like this should be one of Marvel's biggest comics, no questions asked. He noticed that it wasn't, why it wasn't, and how he could change it up. With Avengers Disassembled, I found the first Avengers book I could enjoy. Finally, it seemed, someone was coming in and changing things for the better. Was the story convoluted and corny in places? Yes, but it was all for the better. I saw the promo image of the new squad and was hyped at the prospect of Spider-Man, Captain America, Iron Man, and Wolverine working together as a team. I knew I had myself a new contender for coolest comic book.
From the beginning I thought it was a great idea to have Spider-Man and Wolverine on as full members to the team. These two embody everything cool that the Marvel universe is. Did their inclusion mean that Marvel was jumping on board the 'have all of the big characters join' style of the Justice League in DC? Sure, but why shouldn't they do this? Spider-Man has long been a reserve member to the group and constantly works with them in his books and theirs. Basically he was already an Avenger, now he was just official. The biggest criticism with all of this has been of course Wolverine. One of the things I dislike about comics is that with so much promise, they consistently do things that hinder why lots of people do not take them seriously. These 2 HUGE topics can be discussed and argued in another post (coming soon to the PTP board near you), and they are as follows: Continuity and death. Wolverine suffers from a very convoluted continuity, as he appears in 2 solo books, Astonishing, and New Avengers. Would someone like to explain to me how this is at all possible? Thing is though, I got over it because of the sheer coolness it is of having Wolverine be on a different team interacting with different characters. Did anyone else think it was sweet when Spider-Man, Wolverine, Hulk, and Ghost Rider teamed up as The New Fantastic Four? (which btw should be an ongoing monthly book post World War Hulk b/c that'd be too fuckin cool... But that is also a post for a different day)
The rest of the team was icing on the cake. Spider-Woman? Cool, I didn't know anything about her. Luke Cage? Always thought he was cool, I was pumped. The issues with them was too cool for words. Them breaking up a fight at The Raft? Fighting the Wrecker? The conspiracy with SHIELD? Ronin and all the damn ninjas? Sweet.
The Sentry? Not so much.
Wait a minute? What?
The problems began with Sentry. I loved the idea of this team having a Superman-level powerhouse on the team, and when he first appeared in the first issue, and first arc for that matter, it was sweet. But after the arc centering around him, he was never mentioned again. Wasn't he supposed to be a big part of this team? I only remember him being in that one arc before the end. This however was not the only problem.
Ronin was non introduced until the third arc, and we still never got to see her interact with the group other than that. Luke Cage had great banter with Spider-Man, but his voice was not being heard as promised. The pacing with who broke everyone out of the prison and the triple conspiracy Spider-Woman was not good, and reminded me a lot of Lost. I am not knocking Bendis by any means, but things really took a long time to explain and the idea of the group seemed to be better than the actual comic book. You remember the Xorn/Magneto issues? Or the recent #26 mindfuck? How about the baffling as hell explanation of The Sentry or trying to force Spider-Woman as a major character down our throats?
Basically this book suffered from being very hit-or-miss. Things picked up again with the Captain America and Luke Cage issues of New Avengers Disassembled. And with the recent release of #27, things are definitely on the rising. Iron Fist, a new Ronin, and Dr. Strange as Avengers with Spider-Man, Wolverine, Spider-Woman, and Luke Cage as the leader is fucking awesome. Here's to hoping that the talent stays up, and remains a force to be reckoned with, other than just looking pretty on the outside.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
DC & Marvel Have Got Jokes
Wanna hear something funny?
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Flash Thompson: Nerd Revenge Fantasy
Some guys just can't win. In 1962, Peter Parker was one of those guys. Bullies bullied him and girls ignored him – with the exception of his elderly Aunt, and that really doesn't count. Puny, broke and lonely, young Peter was the kind of guy you could relate to. I assume this was either because the men writing him could relate to him too, or they just knew their audience really, really well.
"The 'T' stands for 'Talk to the HAND, Parker!' Haw Haw!"
Then, in an ironic twist of fate, young Peter is granted superpowers; He goes from zero to hero, starts hanging out with the FF and The Avengers, and marries a super model. Oh, and that bully who used to torment him in high school becomes his #1 fan. And people say superhero comics are just adolescent male power fantasies!
That bully had a name, and a pretty badass one at that: Flash Thompson. He is the subject of this blog.
The thing about Flash Thompson is, back in High School, he was kind of an asshole. Now, nevermind the fact that back in high school everyone was an asshole (this is to prepare you for the real world, where everyone is an asshole). No, Flash was more like THE asshole. Girls, cars, popularity, football, etc. – everything that guys like Peter Parker spend their tormented youths hating and envying. And poor Flash Thompson has been paying for it ever since.
What follows Flash Thompson's Big Man on Campus years is a comeuppance of ridiculously epic proportions. He goes to war and is haunted by mystic assassins. He suffers serious bouts of depression and becomes an alcoholic. In love, he can only manage to pick up Peter's sloppy seconds. He gets in a drunk-driving accident – two of them, in fact – and ends up brain damaged to the point where he forgets what few redeeming qualities he'd managed to muster up over the years. Oh, and as it turns out, his father was an abusive alcoholic, so high school probably wasn't all that great for Flash Thompson after all. At least Peter had a decent home life. As if all this wasn't enough, it turns out all this time his first name is actually Eugene. I mean, seriously.
Daaaaaaaamn, homie! In high school you was the maaaaaaaan, homie!
...What the fuck happened to you?
You know what, I get it. I really do. These are superhero stories, and the golden rule of superhero stories is good guys win, bad guys lose. Somewhere very early on in life Flash Thompson must have fallen into the 'bad guy' category, and has been awarded his just deserts time and time again, despite many desperate grasps for redemption. But there's a line between justice and torment; it's actually quite a broad one, I think. And I can't help but wonder if the Peter Parker types reading and writing Spider-Man comics throughout the years don't derive just a little bit of pleasure out of making a whipping boy out of Flash Thompson. It's kind of sick, when you think about it.
You know, there was a brief period in the early 90s or so where Flash and Peter were actually pretty good friends. I always liked that development. Beyond just being a cool twist on the status quo, I think it showed a real willingness for growth. Not only in the characters of Peter Parker and Flash Thompson, but in superhero comics in general. Finally, we were ready to let go of all of the adolescent anguish we'd been harboring in our hearts and move on. You know, forgiving those that trespassed against us and what not. It didn't last. The nerds were still angry, and somebody had to pay. So once again Flash Thompson was reverted to his adolescent state, dragging us all down with him. He is currently a recovering alcoholic/functioning retard teaching a gym class at his old high school.
Some guys just can't win. Read More......
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Comic of the Week: Annihilation #4
Noooooothing.
This is how you create tension in a comic book.
The first three issues have been hit or miss for me. You definitely get a sense of all the destruction going on and, unlike Seven Soliders, you can see how the mini-series tied into the main series (Seriously, how did Morrison think he could tie 7 miniseries into one 40 page comic book?).
But Giffen gave me the one thing I wanted more than anything this series.
Thanos.
It's no secret that he is my favorite Marvel villain of all-time., especially post-Infinity Gauntlet. When he's written correctly, like he is here, he comes across as a cool character who has done it all and now is just bored. He knows (or at least believes) he's the smartest person in the galaxy and that his only Achilles heel is his love for Death. Everyone is beneath him.
This issue we find out what Thanos' motivation for following Annihilus down this path of destruction while simultaneously Drax makes his way through countless armies to achieve his one goal: Kill Thanos.
Remember when Drax The Destroyer was a complete buffoon?
That moment has passed.
He is a unstoppable killing machine. To watch him make his way through the Annihilus Wave is nothing short of amazing.
This was a well-written and well-drawn affair and now it will be interesting to see how the rest of the mini-series works out.
Besides, tell me that is not one of the best covers of 2006.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Civil War: The Bigger Picture
If you have not read Civil War #4 yet, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER. I have been waiting just as patiently as everyone else for this, especially after the way #3 ended. How cool was it to see Iron Man beating the hell out of Captain America? And the scene in the restaurant with the secret identities was cool too. When I first read #4 however, I was unhappy with what I was seeing.
I mean, that's not really Thor? The big death was Goliath? I felt let down by Marvel after waiting for a month.
But when I re-read it, I realized a few things. First off, this was no where near what I had been expecting after the end of last issue and with subsequent issues of FF and Spider-Man that took place after CW#3. Sure, it set up things like Spidey swapping sides and the FF splitting, and even had me thinking that Falcon was the one who bit the dust. But everything gets better with age. I like that it is not Thor. It gives Tony's faction something of a villainous side. Since when do heroes clone other heroes to fight other heroes? The last page also adds to this (btw, I know I saw Songbird, Taskmaster, Bullseye, Lady Deathstrike, Jack O'Lantern, and the new Venom, but who was the other dude in the back?). It would of course make sense if Marvel had the Pro-Reg heroes being controlled by a powerful villain, but that is the easy way out (and something that I may not forget for a while, so Marvel, if you are reading this, you better not dissapoint). This issue really showed us as the audience as well as the characters in the book what was at stake: This really is WAR, and Marvel is making a stand. The new Thor saw it that way, as did Cap, who was a bloody, pissed off mess the whole book. It costed Goliath his life because of his point of view. I think this issue really hit home when Sue Storm and Torch split the FF though. It was something that could have been predicted, just as the unmasking of Spidey was, at least for me. And the single coolest part of this issue? When Falcon picked up Cap and started flying away, he says 'Fall back and regroup! We've got to get out of here or we're all going down!' And what does the faux Thor say? 'You ARE all going down'. I had to crack a smile with that one.
Marvel seems to know what they are doing with this, as the post CW world is shaping up to be something completely different, but also something completely new and exciting. So far, they have revealed Spider-Man's identity (which we know will somehow be revoked, probably because they are setting him up as the 'traitor' to Iron Man, but damn it was a jawdropper anyway), killed an entire team in the first issue, and seemingly tore apart the Fantastic Four as we know it (another moment that will eventually be revoked, but I have been waiting for something different in FF for a long time, I just hope they can do something astounding like they did with the Avengers). I am really into this event. Usually, most endings and big shockers are easy to guess in this day and age because it seems that everything has been done before, but Marvel has managed to snag me, and I am on board. You all may say DC rules the world, but I am still screaming 'Make Mine Marvel'!
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Dear Marvel Zombies
I despise you. No, this isn't a rant about D.C. vs. Marvel. No, this isn't about how you give Joey Q more time than you give your mother on the phone. No, this isn't a rant about how you'd pay to toss Bendis's salad. Shit, I WOULD TOSS BENDIS'S SALAD, TOO. I prefer syrup.
No, this is a rant about the shit you're giving Marvel over the Spidey unmasking. Among all of the internet crying I hear about how Spidey outing himself to the world ("OH MY GOD! Spider-man's GAY?" was my fiancee's reaction when I told her) the number one argument I hear against Spider-man putting it on himself to do the one thing he fears anyone doing to him is this:
"IT'S COMPLETELY AGAINST CHARACTER!" (c) Comic Fan Jackass
Now, anyone that as been reading Spidey in the last five years should know that this decision has been a long time coming. And let's be honest with ourselves, people. Green Goblin knows Spider-man is Peter Parker. All of Green Goblin's kids, bastard and otherwise, know that Spider-man is Peter Parker. The Scorpion (who now has the Venom symbiote) knows Spider-man is Peter Parker. One of Jerry's Kids that sits in his wheelchair on a rooftop all day until his family wheels him back inside for dinner knows who Spider-man is. Aunt May knows. Mary Jane knows. All of The Avengers know.
Mary Jane has been hinting for years that she would prefer Peter to go public. This is proof that comic fans have no long-lasting interaction with women. If we did, then we would ALL know that a broad that hot could get Dr. Strange to take up pulling Batman's giant penny from behind kid's ears at birthday parties. A broad that hot could get a Watcher to come down on the field, throw a flag, and demand an instant replay. Hell, A broad that hot could make Electro heterosexual again.
But lemme get back to the point. It's against character? I didn't hear any of you fuckers that tought Cap was acting against character by going underground complaining then. You thought it kicked ass. By the way, Cap wasn't even acting against character. Know how I know? Because Cap always kicks ass.
You guys need to draw the difference between a favorite character of yours making a decision you don't like and someone "acting against character". If you haven't noticed, Spidey has been slowly changing for a few years now. But that's a whole 'nother blog. (Editor's Note: Stay tuned for Invisiblist's blog on JMS's Spidey run coming soon!) He's a teacher. He's an active Avenger. He has fuckin spikes coming out of his arms, a robotic costume, and he's Tony Stark's fuckin doughboy. And that's just fine by me. Know why? My favorite part of how Marvel Comics has done things since I've been reading is their character development.
Ah, yes. Character development. You might define character development as "the catalyst to fanboy's anger; usually involving a character doing something that no fanboy predicted on any message board anywhere". I like to define it as "OH SHIT!" Whether I like how a character develops or not, I like to see characters I love grow. I have no desire to see any comicbook character that I mess with stay stagnant in their views or attitudes for too long. You know what my favorite parts of "The Other" were? First, when Spidey killed that robot guy in Stark Tower. (What was his name? Tracer?) Sure, the guy turned out to be a robot, but Peter didn't know that. It showed the state of mind that Peter was really in. The other was when he ATE MORLUN'S FACE. Why were they my favorite parts? Because they showed how serious the situation was.
If comic characters never "went against character" as you guys call it, they wouldn't be worth reading. Cap woulda never had one of his most important arcs ever. You know, the Nixon one. Daredevil woulda never became Kingpin. (Y'all didn't complain about that one, either.) Serious situations that showed the true nature of the characters.
I don't know what you people want. I don't envy Bendis, Millar, JMS, Quesada, Whedon or any of the other guys at Marvel that worked on Civil War. From the reactions I'm reading to Civil War #2, you guys want to be able to figure out what's gonna happen with your favorite character before all your internet buddies do. Is that what you drop three bucks every month for? To see if you're right? BOOOOOOO. I drop my three bucks every month to see what happens, to be amazed, to be surprised, to jerk off to how McNiven draws She-Hulk (and how Frank Cho draws Mary Jane and Black Cat, and how Jim Lee draws Psylocke, and how Quesada draws Black Widow.....but that's a whole 'nother blog*), and most IMPORTANTLY, to check in with my friends Peter, Steve, Tony, and Nick to see how they're doing. If they don't make a decision I like, it was their decision to make.
But hey, if you guys want predictable, you should just go read D.C. Or House of M.
(*Editor's Note: The Prep Time Posse will not be allowing a future blog on Invisiblist's masturbatory habits. It hits just a little too close to home for most of us.) Read More......
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Pocket Change
"The only constant is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be."- Isaac Asimov, "My Own View" in The Encyclopedia of Science Fiction
Congratulations, Joe Queseda*.
You have finally torn the internet in two.
If you go to any comic book forum, you'll see people doing the internet equivalent of rioting.
I am going to try to talk about "it" without talking about "it".
Greg Hatcher over at Comics Should Be Good wrote a great piece regarding Spider-Man and the two types of fans:
Here'’s the thing. There'’s two groups of fans reading superhero comics right now, the illusion-of-change fans and the real-change fans, and each one is absolutely convinced that the other group is going to destroy their beloved superheroes. And it terrifies them, because they both love comics fiercely, and neither can stand the idea that they might get taken away. So each group is constantly yelling at the other to for Christ'’s sake STOP it, d'you have any idea what you're doing? I suspect that this underlies a lot of that free-floating fan anger out there. This is why so many comic book message boards have the social niceties of Mad Max'’s Thunderdome.The illusion-of-change people are looking at it this way: I discovered DC and Marvel at ___ age and it changed my life, these characters are great, timeless icons, new readers need to be able to discover them the way I did, why are they so hell-bent on ruining them when they do stuff like make Spider-Man an armored Avenger or marry off Superman to Lois Lane or… (fill in your own premise-altering Real Change here)… comics are already practically incomprehensible to new readers, the base is going to keep shrinking, pretty soon there’s only going to be about six people reading DC and Marvel, they’re KILLING COMICS!
The real-change people, on the other hand, probably came into comics sometime in the late 80’s or so. Post-Crisis, let’s say. Real change is what they’re used to. It’s what they have come to expect. Their tastes were formed by Chris Claremont on the X-Men, or Peter David on the Hulk, or Alan Moore on whoever. These were guys that specialized in real changes that often completely changed the premise of whatever strip they were working on. So the real-change people think: Damn, why is it that superhero publishers are so cowardly! Quit with the retcons already! Dead is dead! Show some guts! Comics are finally starting to Grow Up! They’re not for kids any more! We don’t need to worry about some mythical eight-year-old coming into the comics store, you idiots, there’s no one under twenty in any comics store I’ve ever been in! You let these old-school geezers hit the reset button all the time like they want to and they’ll be KILLING COMICS!
Now, lately I have found myself in the "real-change" ilk. I like when the status quo is thrown out the window and we get to go in a completely new direction.
Think how huge it was when Gwen Stacy died (shortly after dropping off her twins she had after a booty call with Norman Osborn to Canada) or Jean Grey died (the first time) or when Superman died (you think we would have figured out he was coming back when they didn't cancel any of his titles) or when Jason Todd was killed by The Joker (Stop punching the fabric of reality, Superboy Prime!).
No, she's okay. Tis' but a scratch These are things that changed our favorite characters forever.
I like change.
It seems to be comic book canon that nothing can happen to change the status quo of Spider-Man, Batman or Superman. They are the untouchables.
Or things can happen, but they can always been undone.
Only Spider-Man seems to have lasting changes but that's what we (or at least, I) love about Spider-Man as a character.
Granted, you want them to remain the same so future generations will know what you loved about them.
Well, that's what the trades are for.
I just don't want to spend however long I read comics to be spent seeing the same stories over and over again.
Superman defeats Lex Luthor, he goes to prison, gets out, rinse, wash, repeat.
Batman and Robin defeat The Joker/Penguin/Two-Face, send them to Arkham, they escape, rinse, wash, repeat.
For the last time!!!(Until the next time)
Spider-Man faces the Green Goblin/Dr. Octopus/The Vulture, loses the first time, contemplates on a rooftop, defeats them (they never really go to prison in Spidey books), rinse, wash, repeat.
Look! It's Spider-Man unmasked!Why isn't anyone looking up!?!
Oh, World Cup is on. Did Brazil win?
I think the big reveal of Civil War #2 could have been done better (If you didn't read Amazing Spider-Man #533, it really makes this whole thing go down easier....like Pepto Bismol), but I'm glad it happened.
Because now I don't know what the future holds and I like it that way**.
Now, if Lois would just get pregnant already. What an unsatisfying marriage this must be for her. At least, Spidey's boys can swim.
* For all the trouble Marvel went to protecting this secret you think you would have kept a copy of this comic out of the hands of the newspapers. Or at least issued a press embargo like they do with TV shows like Lost and 24 where secrets and surprises are everything.
** Unless, of course, the second Queseda's tenure as EIC ends (or by the end of Civil War knowing Queseda), they find a way to undo this...like Marvel and DC always seem to do. I think the funniest thing and the biggest sign of how the fans see Marvel and DC these days is not that people are up in arms but that they are already thinking how they will "undo" this. Read More......
Monday, May 29, 2006
X-Men: The Last Stand (a second opinion)
Sigh...
I'll be honest, after I left the theater, I wanted to give the movie 
but after telling my friend about the movie I had to admit that there were some cool parts.
I don't know what to say about this movie. This wasn't Brett Ratner's fault. He did a competent job. There were some scenes that were better than anything in the first two X-Men movies. The Phoenix scenes were handled particularly well.
Whoever decided that this movie should only be 107 minutes not only ruined this movie but ruined this franchise.
It was clear that the writers of the movie had been given a list of things to address:
- Jean/Phoenix
- The cure storyline
- Give Storm a bigger role
- Solve the Cyclops-doesn't-really-do-anything problem
- Iceman vs. Pyro
- Introduce a bunch of new mutants (Angel, Beast, Callisto, Madrox)
- Give Colossus something to do
- Iceman/Rogue/Kitty Pryde love triangle
- Jean/Cyclops/Logan love triangle
There was a lot of potential. The cure story could have been cool. The Phoenix story could have been cool. The use of the next generation of X-Men stepping up could have been cool. But instead of there being a main plot and some subplots, there were ONLY subplots, some being resolved, some being forgotten and some rushed to an unsatisfying conclusion. And because of that, I felt detached from the whole movie.
It's sad. Given an extra 45-60 minutes and a better writer, this could have been the best of the X-Men movies.
Click here for more spoiler-filled comments. Read More......
Friday, May 26, 2006
The X-Men 3 Review To End All Reviews
It is no secret to anyone on this site or OKP that I am a fan of the X-Men. I have followed them for some time, and when I first heard about an X-Men movie, I was stoked. I remember seeing the first movie and really enjoying it. Yea, I wanted to see more characters, and Sabretooth was done really, really bad, but I respected it for what it was. It was enough to have me panting for a sequel.
Then came X2. This is by far the greatest comic movie of all time, hands down. You want to argue? Fine, but you better have a good argument lined up and on tap. Unfortunately, this movie also made the first movie look not so good comparatively. The scene where Wolverine unleashes and Colossus metals up still gives me goosebumps to this day when I watch. The story was fantastic, Stryker was a great villain (although I find Brian Cox to be a bit annoying), and the intro to Nightcrawler was great. This movie did promise bigger roles for the other X-Men characters besides Wolverine, but they didn't really go into Jean, Cyclops, and Storm especially. This film simply had me waiting for the next movie to drop immediately. I was very hyped for the next one, and when I finally heard about it and saw pix and trailers, I was pumped.
May 26th. Me and some friends go down at about 11:00 or so, tickets in hand, to get good seats and what not. The movie was set to start at 12:01, in five theatres, all of which were sold out. It was already pretty crowded, and they were filling up theatres as people came in. We saw our share of Wolverines, Rogues, Nightcrawlers (although I don't know why), one Jedi (the saddest motherfucer you would of ever seen... this guy had a blue lightsaber in Jedi garb, running around pretending he was a badass... it was like watching a sequel to that Triumph at the Star Wars premiere), and Batman(apparently, no one told him that he was a year or 2 late). We waited and waited, past 12:01, until someone came in to finally announce that the movie would be starting. Guess what time it was? 12:45. Yea, it sucked big time, but I was still excited nonetheless.
Before I go into the movie, I thought that Ghost Rider looked pretty cool. But of course, Marvel did make Daredevil.
X-Men 3 falls somewhere in the paradox land of movies to me. I liked it. Better than 2? That is the paradox.
The opening scene were just like the other movies, and it seemed like it began very soon after the 2nd movie ended. The Angel scene at the beginning was disturbing, but it worked. Unfortunately, Angel didn't. For all the complaints I have heard about underused characters, Angel should not of been in the movie for what he was there for. One scene, which was one of the only scenes that his father was in, even though he was the basis for the large plot of the movie. That, I did not understand. Beast on the other hand was handled very well. I have not seen a Beast that I have liked since he stopped being the ape-like version until seeing this movie. Kelsey Grammer fit this part great, fitting the size and the intellect it would take for the character. It was strange to see him working so close in the government though. The idea of the cure was good, at least to begin with.
Mystique was criminally underused, especially since she was the most badass she has been in any of the three movies, with the exception being the fight with Wolverine in 1. I like seeing Multiple Man, and the forest scene was pretty clever, if predictable. Juggernaut, visually, was great. I was pleasantly surprised at how well they pulled him off, because I don't think anyone thought that someone that big could work with someone playing him. The voice did not work for me at first, but I got used to it. 'I'm the Juggernaut, BITCH!' and the fight with Wolverine put him on the good side of the fence though. Pyro became the Mystique of this installment, and Callisto and the remaining members worked decently well as glorified cameos. The stars of the show were of course Magneto and Jean/Phoenix. This can be expected from Ian. He was ice cold towards Mystique, and the death of Xavier did not seem to phase him as much as you would of thought. I felt that Phoenix was a little too powerful though.
The X-Men, well, I could go both ways on. Wolverine was great, and so was Beast, even Kitty was done well, and the scene with Iceman icing up was pure fanboy enjoyment. The problem was the idea that Marvel seemed to forget that Cyclops was even in the movie until the very end, when someone probably said 'Hey, do you guys know what happened to Scott?' I don't think they did. I though Storm was the best in this movie, and I didn't have a huge problem with her. Rogue got shafted as well, but the big suprise was how they also seemed to leave Colossus out as well. Yea we got to see the 'Fastball Special' and him fight a little bit, but I was expecting a lot more from his character.
The effects were where this movie shined. This fight scenes in the Grey neighborhood and Alcatraz were awesome, were easily the best fights of any of the three movies. Juggernaut chasing Kitty, Beast and Wolverine cutting loose, finally getting a glimpse of the Danger Room and a tease of a Sentinel, and Jean going crazy, for lack of a better word, were all visually stunning, but the best scene goes to Magneto, when he popped Mystique out of prison on the highway. The only dissapoint was the bridge scene, which was way to long and drawn out for its own good.
The character underdevelopment was the weak point. First off, how the fuck are they going to kill off 3 of the major X-Men characters? I was expecting Jean, and I heard Cyclops was going to take a dirt nap as well. I actually thought that killing Professor X was fresh and quite shocking. Also, the underusement of other characters, like Mystique and Rogue was just wrong. I know why they always seem to focus on Wolverine, but the movie is called X-Men, not Wolverine.
The final scene with Magneto in the park was cool too (even if we all knew that he would still have his powers). The hidden scene at the end of the credits was cool, because I remember them talking about that earlier in the movie. There will probably be another one, and I will not complain if there is. Let's just hope that the Sentinels (true to form) and Gambit can make appearances.
All in all I felt that this was a pretty damn enjoyable movie. I liked the action sequences, loved the fights, and the fanboy moments were plentiful and cool. Was it better than X2? Action wise, yes. Story and all together, no. Both of the sequels were better than the original (and I did like the first one), so I am not dissapointed at all. If the 1st movie was good (B) and the 2nd was close to perfect (A-A+), this movie falls in between them. To the people who didn't like the movie, you really were not entertained? Yea, I thought so.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
So-ooo… The Civil War is officially kicking, and I’m gonna tell it to you guys the way Ralph told Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike: You got to count me out.
When I came back to comics last year after a decade in the wilderness, one of the key terms and conditions of my return was:
“Under no circumstances will the Undersigned purchase, read, or otherwise fuck with any comics that can be characterized as (i) Crossovers, (ii) ‘Events,’ or (iii) Multipart Saga Extending Across Several Titles and Promising to Shake the Comics Universe to Its Core With Shocking and Permanent Changes (Which the Contractor Reserves the Right to Reverse Within the course of Six Months).”
Now granted, in a few moments of weakness I might have slipped off the wagon and found myself indulging in that sordid business we call Infinite Crisis, but that long, lost weekend is over and no mas. I’ve learned my lesson. I’m ready to straighten up and fly right, so if you guys call yourselves my friends you’ll not act as enablers.
Don’t talk to me about the latest 279-part crossover event. Don’t tell me to check out Annihilation. Don’t keep me up to date on the progress of Son of M. If you come to me talking about “Civil War,” the earth-shattering conclusion to your saga for damn sure better go something like this:
All that being said, though: New Avengers Special: The Illuminati was a pretty intriguing book, wasn’t it? I wanted to review it when it first dropped but it sold out at my store and I didn’t get to read it for a few weeks. By this point, I’m pretty sure you all know what it’s about so I’ll spare you the synopsis and get straight to what is so damn intriguing about it.
well… Maleev and Bendis, obviously. Especially Maleev showing that straight superhero work might not be beyond the realm of his ken and getting me even more excited about the upcoming Spider-Woman series. And Bendis ain’t nothing to sleep on here either; he does the thing that Bendis does best.
By the way, just in case you were wondering what it is “that Bendis does best,” it is not his much-vaunted dialogue, which I’ve decided is actually pretty bad, despite being enjoyable to read for its naturalistic rhythms. But just read Bendis’s Daredevil back-to-back with Brubaker’s and it becomes clear how flashy but ultimately ineffective the periphrastic rambling really is.
What Bendis excels at, the one true gift he has brought to the comics world is the phenomenon of “ground-level” superhero storytelling (Was he the one who originated that? Powers was the first time I took notice of the approach and it’s since spread throughout the industry). Bendis more specifically calls his style "Behind the Music" storytelling, and was often the case with that VH1 guilty pleasure, we all too often learn that behind the masks, our heroes are mostly dicks.
Even more intriguing than that is the manner in which Bendis deals with the Hulk Problem.
What exactly is the Hulk Problem, you ask? Well, basically the problem with the Hulk is that he’s a really stupid character who I’ve never liked. Sure, at the best of times ol’Greenskin’s been a pretty cool modern take on the whole Jeckyl & Hyde thing, but even when I was seven years old I found something incredible infantile about a superhero whose main power was that he got mad and wrecked everything in sight as he grunted monosyllabically.
I mean, it’s interesting the first couple of times, but eventually it just becomes monoto—
WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG FOR A MESSAGE FROM AFKAP’S MOM
Hello there, boys!
(What’s that you say? There’s a girl or three amongst you? My apologies, ladies! I didn’t realize how much things had changed since the days when I would interrupt young Affy’s little comic coffee klatsches to bring him and his friends some milk and cookies! Back then? Total sausage party!)
Anyway, I don’t want to take up too much of your time except to poke my head in and inform you that my son is a god-natured boy, but he’s really a big liar.
Sure, he’ll want you to believe that he’s into really “smart” comics and is above the primal exhilaration of watching a man throw a tantrum, throw green and lay waste to a city. Oh, but if you could only see him throwing a tantrum and holding his breath till he turned blue in a supermarket checkout line one night many, many years ago when I refused to buy him the magazine pictured below.
I was a bit hesitant at first (the “Lesbian senator” story seemed a bit racy for a boy his age) but in the end I relented and bought my son his first “adult” magazine.
I’m aware that he also peacocks around on that www.Okayplayer.com site acting like a serious music snob who was collecting Blue Note originals when he was 5. I bet he never told you that the first record he ever owned was this one. (Or, for that matter that on the same day he wanted to get this one.)
Even when he was in high school and college, I recall him buying issues of The Incredible Hulk and speaking enthusiastically about his fondness for “PAD” (which was, I admit, a tad disturbing; his comics habit made some of his peers view him as less than macho, and I hoped that he hadn’t actually been driven to buying feminine hygiene products!)
So take everything he says with a grain of salt, will you?
Okay, I’ll be leaving now. Have fun! I hope you all call your mothers more than my son does. You really should. Or better yet, get up, go upstairs right this minute and go say hi to her. Believe me, she will appreciate it!
Okay, so maybe I haven’t always hated the Hulk.
In fact, I don’t even really hate the Hulk right now. At the heart of things I think he’s a brilliant character; a logical progression of the ideas of duality explored in the mythos of the first superhero of the modern era, Superman. But like Superman, he’s a character who works best in his own continuity – or at least relatively insulated from other superheroes – and probably as a fable. Once you introduce them into a shared universe full of metahumans of all stripes… Well, they become a little problematic.
The big problem with the Hulk is that I’ve never been completely sure of why he’s considered a “good guy.” Unlike other Marvel Age characters like Spider-Man, Daredevil and Dr. Strange, his heroic career is not based the decision to use his power for good. This is a guy – a monster, actually – who’s got the ability to level a city block with his bare hands, the communication and comprehension skills of a three year-old and the rage of Barry Gibb.
Why isn’t he considered a villain in the Marvel Universe? Sure, he’s kinda got a good heart, but hey, I’ve heard that Super-Skrull devotes a lot of his free time to rescuing homeless kittens… Does that make him okay, too?
Not only do they not deal with Hulk as the menace to society he occasionally is, but at various points they have made him an Avenger. AN AVENGER, for Chrissakes! Banner has got to have that HOT weed connection, because otherwise I cannot think of why they keep him around.
I think what has always subconsciously bothered me about the Hulk and made his exploits so unsatisfying for me is the fact that while the Marvel Universe that was supposedly built around the idea of portraying the real-world consequences of super-powered beings in the real world, a lot of effort was expended on avoiding showing what the Hulk’s tantrums really mean. This panel from the classic Incredible Hulk #332 (1986) is an example of how writers have traditionally skirted this issue.
Yeah, thank goodness the people all got out in time!
For my money, the best and most logical rendition of the Hulk has been Mark Millar’s, in The Ultimates. If his Banner is an extreme portrait of male spinelessness, his Hulk is an over-the-top parody of macho excess: he grunts and smashes shit, he drinks beer, he’s hornier than a two-peckered billy goat, he smells bad, and he’s terrified of being thought of as a “sissy boy.” And when he goes on a rampage through Manhattan, it’s presented as an analogue for 9/11, complete with massive losses in human life.
Bendis follows this track in Illuminati: The Hulk goes wild in Las Vegas and kills twenty-six people “this time.” This time. Meaning that he’s killed more people over the years. (Meaning that the Avengers have been palling around with and protecting a murderer all this time.) And it’s decided that finally, something has to be done with him.
Of course, in the recent She-Hulk #4, Shulkie states that she’s sure that the Hulk has NEVER killed anybody, and that her cousin Bruce would surely have killed himself if his Hulk rampages had ever lead to anybody getting seriously hurt.
This discrepancy can probably be (and kinda has been) explained away by saying that Jen just didn’t know that the Hulk has killed (but come on… How could she not know that?) More than likely, this confusion is a result of the shoddy editorial work that has marred the Quesada regime and the seeming carte blanche awarded to Bendis to rewrite Marvel history at will.
I wish it were less mundane, though: Wouldn’t it be so much cooler if this were the beginnings of a true philosophical schism brewing within Marvel? Not just Dan Slott vs. Bendis, but what their individual approaches to superheroes represent: A relatively innocent Marvel Universe where we recognize the heroes because they are the ones who are, at the end of the day, fundamentally good… Or a darker, morally complicated world in which the heroes except for Spider-Man are essentially assholes with better press agents?
See… Now that is a civil war that I’d pay to watch play out…
