Welcome to Sinestro Week

It came and took over our lives, like heroin or Despotellis.

It drives us to turn, on average, 25 percent of the COTW posts at okayplayer.com (plug!!) into shrines. It drives us to graphic design. It drives us to poetry.

It is Sinestro Mania, and it has laid low the Prep Time Posse.

image courtesy of this guy

It’s not our fault. Even the Marvel Zombies among us recognize that since the Sinestro Corps one shot dropped, Dat ‘Stache has been the best villain in superhero comics by a country mile. I spit on your Red Skull. Black Glove couldn’t even keep his chopper in the air, assuming that was even him. As good as Final Crisis has been, Darkseid ain’t got face time. Oh, and then there’s the Skrulls and the “Dark Illuminati.”

*does asshole Basaglia-inspired Wop of Geoff Johns Victory*

I defy you to find one issue of Green Lantern in which Sinestro appears from the last two years in which Sinestro isn’t a complete and utter bad ass. As I’ll go into later this week, there is not a more quotable villain than Sinestro. EVERY ISSUE has two to three Sinestro lines that are just the coldest shit imaginable. What makes the words work is Sinestro’s utter craziness/evil. He basically raped Kyle, but Johns made it less gross and more upsetting than the Dr. Light nonsense. He just toasted a Laira on the verge of redemption. He owns Jordan’s psyche. Hell, he owns THE GUARDIANS’ psyche.

And it’s clear he is Geoff Johns’ biggest mancrush in the whole DC Universe. Johns gets Sinestro like no other writer going right now gets a character, and I’m including Morrison and Superman.

*ducks a Shoe to Suffice*

If you doubt it, pick up In Brightest Day, the recent trade in which Johns compiles his favorite GL stories. The first story shows Sinestro’s first appearance (without a ring!!). Johns understands that Sinestro’s monologue at the end of this first issue about the power of evil contains his entire ethos. Johns understands that there is just enough sense in what Sinestro believes that you can let your guard down and think that you and this guy share some goals. As soon as you do, Sinestro puts a ray of yellow through your chest. Johns’ Sinestro might be a necessary evil, at least if you believe Ganthet. But he is definitely, purely, awesomely evil.

So welcome to Sinestro Week. I call on the Prep Time Posse to rise to the challenge, drop a boatload of ‘Nestro propaganda, and recharge the movement.

And if we don’t?

Look at that, reader.

Another broken promise.

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The Break-Up

Dear Countdown:

I tried to do this in person but you wouldn't see. I tried to call you but you wouldn't pick up the phone. So you have left me no choice but to write you this letter.

CD, this just is working out for me anymore. I thought I could hold on and wait to see if this relationship went anywhere but I can't. I thought it would be like before, when you were 52. But now, I don't know. Did I change? Did you change?

No, I'm pretty sure we both changed. You keep going on aimlessly in your life, not knowing where you want to go. You took on too many things at once and now I don't even know what going on with you.

I've changed too. I've been in abusive relationships like this before, sticking around just to see how things ended. I hate feeling like I wasted all my time if I'm not going to stick around to the end. But I've got to be mature. I've got to let you go and move on.

I'm sorry that this didn't work out but don't worry, there are other readers out there in sea for you. I just can't be one of them.

Sincerely,
Melanism

P.S.: Do you have Sinestro Wars phone number?

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New Joker PIcture From "The Dark Knight"

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Um, about "52" Week #43

Not like this. Not. like. this.

(Warning: clicking this link = major spoiler)

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DC & Marvel Have Got Jokes

Wanna hear something funny?

• All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder #1 came out in July 2005. We are still awaiting issue #5.
• Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk #1 came out in December 2005. We are still waiting for issue #3.
• Wonder Woman (Vol. 3) #1 came out in June 2006. We are still waiting for issue #4. It has since been moved to a bimonthly schedule. Um, what? Batman and Superman can have multiple titles running smoothly but Wonder Woman needs special attention. Now that The O.C. has been canceled Allan Heinberg will have time to crank these out.
• The Ultimates Vol. 2 began in December 2004. Still waiting for issue #13. Did The Authority take this long?
• We are up to issue #6 in the relaunch of Justice League of America and they still haven't fought together.
• Joe Queseda, Tom Breevort and Mark Millar still think both arguments are being equally represented in Civil War.
  

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Clark, Bruce, Diana, and Rory: Thoughts on JLA #0

As much as I enjoy making fun of Identity Crisis and its big noses, I’m a relative apologist for Brad Meltzer and Rag Morales’ earnest portrayal of DC’s heroes as a Ya-Ya Sisterhood. In Identity Crisis – even though the point of the story was to drive home the importance of secret identities – all our usually stuffy heroes run around calling each other by their real first names. Clark, Bruce, Ollie, Diana. Everyone is everyone else’s BFF. Sure, this happens in other titles as well, but the amount of namedropping that Meltzer peppered his script with was enough to make even Jayceon Terell Taylor shake his head in embarrassment.

It was a little grating sometimes, but it worked perfectly for the story. Driving home the fact that these caped and cowled titans were actual people - with names, feelings, families, insecurities and life-histories with each other - made the tragedy of death within their ranks all the more tragic. Meltzer’s interior writing style was so successful it was later used by other writers in the fantastic Countdown to Infinite Crisis #0, which as a result was chock full of insightful intimate reflections such as when we learned that everyone is in love with Diana, and also when we learned that everyone thinks Koriand'r is really fucking hot. Man, these heroes felt so damn real. *I* think Kory is really fucking hot too!

Meltzer is back now, penning the new Justice League re-launch. Post-Crisis, Meltzer’s League feels a lot like Gilmore Girls. Yeah. Justice League. It’s Gilmore Girls with less dialogue, really. It has that small-town everybody-knows-everybody sensibility, and people talk over each other and complete each other’s thoughts and sentences. Clark and Diana are Gilmore and Gilmore Girl, and Bruce is that cranky dude who runs the diner. Why Alan Heinberg isn’t on this title, I have no idea.

As I said, I dug this approach in Identity Crisis. In the new JLA book, however, I don’t think I’ll be able to stand it for very long. Now, I’m not really up to date on the inner-workings of the JLA…but a yearly meeting between Clark, Bruce and Diana? Does this exist? Because don’t they see each other all the fucking time? I guess it’s just pencilled in as guaranteed bonding time, where they can playfully swing sticks at each other and swap novels. For real, I’m all for portraying the softer side of the Big 3 and their relationships, and I guess it’s only normal for them to have inside jokes and stuff like that…but in scenes like the one where they make fun of Guy Gardner, I just don’t feel it. It feels forced, and it reaches the point where the camaraderie between the heroes doesn’t just feel awkward, it feels downright phony. Which I’m guessing is the opposite of what Meltzer is trying to accomplish here.

And don’t get me started on this, after Clark realizes Bruce and Diana stood him up:



I’m willing to write this book off as a weightless issue #0, not a part of the series and therefore not indicative of where the book is headed quality wise. But in the preview pages of issue #1(***), the cheese continues. I couldn’t tell if the Big 3 were choosing a new JLA or America’s Next Top Model.

Not to mention all the (hopefully) unintentionally funny close-ups of Diana’s breasts. Oh, and issue #0 had the funniest out-of-context comic quote I’ve come across in awhile: “he’ll be great. really great. like dick.”

I think the problem is that while even though Infinite Crisis made way for less brooding, less angry, depressed, dysfunctional heroes, we’re nonetheless left with an approach that still takes itself extremely seriously. And frankly, the earnest bastardry reads a lot better than the earnest we-are-one-big-happy-family stuff. At least when it’s written by Brad Meltzer, it does. Maybe Meltzer - who was so good at raping, murdering, and emotionally torturing DC’s characters - shouldn’t be the same guy to remake them into shiny happy people?

(***)
Preview Page 1
Preview Page 2
Preview Page 3

peace.

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Superman Returns...To Star In A Chick Flick

I wish I knew how ta quit you

What if Jesus was a superhero? What if the devil was...um, bald? What if you combined Superman with The Notebook?

Ok, there was a lot of things to love. The special effects were great. The reverence for Richard Donner's Superman and Superman II was appreciated. But there was just something...missing.

After I got over the feeling of a watching a new Superman movie in 2006 that didn't involve Richard Pryor (R.I.P.) or Nuclear Man, I felt very detached from the movie.

I enjoyed all the scenes of Superman being...well Superman. Saving people, cheering crowds. The plane crash scene was amazing and I can't wait to see that in IMAX 3D but then it lost it's way and became a chick flick.

• Brandon Routh was great...as Clark Kent. His Superman was okay. He wasn't bad but he lacked the earnest humor than Christopher Reeve brought to the role. Don't feel bad, Brandon. Reeve is an impossible act to follow - we're talking the best comic character brought to life ever. When there are enough comic book movies around that there are comic book movie awards and there is a lifetime achievement award, it will be called The Christopher Reeve Award of Excellence (or something like that). You know who would have made a great Superman...
• So there's the scene where Clark is back at the Daily Planet and Lois introduces him to her boyfriend, Richard, who was played by James Marsden (For the guys, Cyclops from the X-Men films; for the women, the guy Rachel McAdams wrongfully cheats on in The Notebook). As the camera turns to him, I was like "Wow, he should have been Superman." The right build, he's tall, he looks like Christopher Reeve so it wouldn't have been a weird transition, and he's pretty good at playing morally uptight square guys. Major blunder to cast a guy who would be better suited to play Superman, Mr. Singer.
• This is probably the best acting job I've ever seen Kate Bosworth do...but she still wasn't right as Lois Lane. I mean, she got the reporter thing down but she lacked Lois' spunk. If this is a direct sequel to the Richard Donner films, Lois was a "I don't take shit from anyone" woman and Margot Kidder played it perfectly. This is the same woman who hit the gun when her and Clark were being mugged, snuck into the Eiffel Tower to spy on terrorists by hanging on the bottom of a elevator and jumped into a river because she was so convinced that Clark was Superman. I didn't feel like Kate Bosworth's Lois would have done any of that.
• Welcome back, Kevin Spacey. How I've missed you. These are the kind of roles that we fell in love with Kevin Spacey for. Not that The Shipping News/Pay It Forward crap. I want Spacey the mean funny sardonic asshole that blew my mind in Swimming With Sharks. I hope this is a good sign for the future and not a blip in the current spiraling of your career.
• Frank Langella sucked as Perry White. He had some great lines but lacked the energy and fire an editor of the number one paper in Metropolis should have.
  
• Why cast Kal Penn (Kumar from Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle) and give him one line and just have him be a nameless henchman? What a waste. Maybe he's friends with Bryan Singer.
  
• The movie was way too long. I'm almost getting tired of saying this about movies. It was King Kong too long. It dragged like a busted muffler. Why is Hollywood afraid to make a 90-105 minute movie? Seriously. Is there some sort of research I missed that said America likes it's movies dragged out and as long as possible?
  
• I don't like this Superman as Jesus shit that seemed to be implied in the movie. The term 'savior' got thrown around too much. Superman is not Jesus. Superman, at least in my opinion, is a alien who was raised as a human with a good moral code who is just doing "the right thing" because he has the ability to. He's not here to "save us", just here to help.
• I don't think they can (or should) do a sequel. It's hard doing Superman stories (which is why the comic has sucked for quite some time). There's three types of successful Superman stories (all of which have been used in the movies): 1) Superman faces off against someone equal in strength to him (II, III, IV), 2) Superman faces off against Lex Luthor or a villain with Kryptonite (I, III, Returns) or 3) Superman is put to the limits of his power by trying to be in two places at once (I, Returns).
• I find it hard to believe that Superman would just up and leave for five years. Sorry, someone with THAT strong a moral code would not do that. Of course, he also wouldn't make a move (however slight) on a woman with a boyfriend so what do I know?
• Before I talk about the spoiler stuff, the whole Clark Kent works with a bunch of reporters and is in love with the best reporter in the city and no one can put together that Clark Kent and Superman returned on the exact same day (only Lois's kid kinda caught on). It would have been one thing if Clark came back and a couple of days later, Superman showed up or vice versa. But THE SAME DAY! C'mon.
  

Okay on to more spoiler-ish stuff.

• Ok, at the end of the movie, Superman lifts the humogous crystal city that Lex Luthor created and threw it into space. Not into the sun but into space. Um, I'm not scientist but won't that huge landmass become a meteorite that will destroy one of our neighboring planets. Way to think it through, Kal-El.
• Also, won't those remaining crystals be a problem?
  
• By giving a Superman a kid, Bryan Singer has taken the mythology of Superman and Da Vinci Code-d it.
• I'm not mad about the whole kid thing. It was a cool twist. I wish DC had the balls to do something like this in the comics. The Superman story is legendary. You have to create some twists and turns to keep it fresh. But still, Superman has x-ray vision & super hearing, he didn't know she was pregnant before he left.
• How do you end a Superman movie without him bringing Lex Luthor to justice? That was just lame.

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The following is a guest entry by an associate of mine, Wilbur Simons.

Hello Internet. My name is Wilbur Simons. I was invited to this blog by Mr. Kangaroo Love after he overheard me at the comics shop arguing about whether or not Poison Ivy could seduce Midnighter from The Authority. I am writing this because I have something to get off my chest. I have been collecting comic books since 1975 so I feel my opinion is very valuable. But right now I am not happy. I have a bone to pick with DC for their unethical treatment of Firestorm, the greatest hero to ever grace the DCU.



Ronnie Raymond is my favorite character of all time, so it absolutely traumatized me when DC hired hack writer Brad Meltzer to kill him off in Identity Crisis so he could be replaced with a new edgy & hip wannabe incarnation.

I think this is a detriment to Firestorm fans as well as a disgrace to the character. First to make something clear, I know many people will assume I don't like the new Firestorm because he is African-American. That is not true. I place Blade in my top 5 vampire hunters of all time and I am the proud owner of a framed photo of myself with Billy Dee Williams. So you can clearly see I am not a racist. I would'nt even like this new Firestorm if he was a white guy named Wilbur who liked tapioca pudding and SG1.

What I am here to do is make a difference. That is why I am organizing a group known as R.N.A.S.F. (Ronnie's Nuclear Army of Special Friends.) We will make our presence known and continue to boycott all DC Comics products until Ronnie Raymond is reinstated as his rightful position of Firestorm. If you call yourself a true Firestorm fan, I urge you to join me.

Thank you, Internet.

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Where Art Thou, Superman?

(contains Infinite Crisis spoilers)

Calling all cars, calling all cars.

Looking for a white Caucasian male, possible alien.

About 6 feet tall, dark hair, blue eyes...Able to leap tall buildings in a singe bound.

Goes by the name of Kal-El or Superman.

I thought Infinite Crisis was supposed to reinvigorate the Big 3.

If that's the case, where's Waldo...I mean...Superman been this entire series?

Nope, everything seems fine around here.
I guess I'm not needed

Wonder Woman spent two issues defending Themyscira from OMACs and hanging out with Earth-2 Wonder Woman.

Batman? He's been everywhere.

In the course of this series, Batman has...
...been at the ruins of the Watchtower
...back in Gotham where he met Earth 2 Supes and faced off against Red Hood in his own book
...Bludhaven to meet up with Nightwing
...back in Gotham with the Brave and The Bold planning an attack on Brother Eye
...in space knocking Brother Eye out of orbit
...finally ending up at Alexander Luthor's tower which is apparently right by The Fortress of Solitude

All this despite not having the gift of flight.

Superman? well, after getting emasculated by Batman, he actually went back to WORK as Clark Kent for a spell. He stopped some windows from falling on a crowd, stopped a couple of OMACs, hooked up with Earth-2 Superman on Earth 2 and finally showed up to his neighborhood to watch Superboy die. Did Ruin keep him THAT occupied?

I know Superman can't be everywhere at once but if Batman can get around...

No, it may seem like I'm being a little unforgiving here but the only way Infinite Crisis works if Superman happens to not be around.

You're saying with all that was going on...Earth 2 Superman flying around on his Earth, the Society killing the Freedom Fighters, Superboy Prime going to HIS house in Kansas and fighting our Superboy all the way to Keystone City, the sonic booms created by the Flashes, the only time he did something is when he heard Earth 2 Superman yell "Lois" (from another Earth no less which he got to pretty quickly)?

As George Oscar Bluth II (a.k.a. G.O.B.) on Arrested Development would say, "Come on!"

I'm sure Superman will do something MIND BLOWINGLY AMAZING in Infinite Crisis #7 but it will be a case of too little too late.

Batman's right, maybe Superman should just die to inspire everyone again...

Oh wait, I think I just figured out Infinite Crisis #7...

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Infinite Crisis - yeah, so what?

It's not that serious...trust me on this.


Am I the only person who's...unimpressed with Infinite Crisis?

Sure, I'm buying each issue just like most of you are, but it's primarily for collecting status. The artwork is great (A-game, dawg), but the storyline so far has been spotty. Let's comment on some of the major IC events (including the Countdown to Infinite Crisis events) one at a time.

*DISCLAIMER* If you haven't been keeping up with IC so far, then I'm sorr, but I'm finna spoil an awful lot of it for you.

1. Maxwell Lord kills the Blue Beetle. Not cool, Ahmad. Not cool. I actually liked Ted Kord! (well, not like that, but...you know). What I don't like is...well, I'll get to that later. Also, it's gonna give Booster Gold a "Fire" complex: he's going to spend the next several decades regularly moping about his lost buddy, and I'm not sure if that baggage is going to make him a better character.

2. A big ol' mess a' OMAC robots start downloading into peoples bodies and attempting to exterminate any and all superheroes who get in their way. Would be cool...that is, if the friggin' Wachowskis hadn't've thunk it up first. Just because WB owns both The Matrix AND DC Comics does not give them permission to allow in-house biting.




*Krreeekkk!*
"OUCH! CotDAMN, heffa! What kinda chiropractor is YOU 'posed to be?!"


3. Wonder Woman kills Maxwell Lord, and everyone (especially Superman and, of all people, Batman) start hatin'. Big. Effing. Deal. Wonder Woman is supposed to be an Amazon warrior. Warriors kill when the need arises. Why is everyone so shocked that WW killed a mofo who was trying to use Supes to kill the Pre-Time King? I especially don't understand where Batman comes off finger-pointing. I know he's still carrying the baggage of his parents' deaths, but that was different. This isn't about killing an innocent. It's about getting the job done. The way that Supes and Bats are handling this, and their condescending tone towards Diana (one person I don't think it wise ot talk down to) is quickly turning their scenes in IC into daytime soap-opera pastiches. Why don't they all just fuck an' make up, like the Days of Our Lives folk do?

(As an aside, if they really wanted to piss off Supes, Batsy, and *Gary Ownes announcer voice* THE WOOORLD AT LAAARGE, they shoulda had WW slice Lord up with the sword, instead of having her do the head twist thing. They way it's drawn, it looks like she's trying to get a kink outta his neck or summin').

4. The Villians all Unite into the Legion of Do-, er, The Society. The whole thing reads like a extra-length episode of Challenge of the Superfriends. Granted, it would be an above-average episode, but every time I read a Villians United issue or crossover, I just see Hanna-Barberaishness all over it.

5. Eclipso and Spectre go on a magic-destruction rampage. Okay, this was sorta cool (primarily because of the Shadowpact and the Detective Chimp--everyone loves a talking monkey), but it created so many plot holes. Spectre killed Shazam, right? So why does the Marvel Family still have power? Who's tossin' them lightning bolts? The main benefit (besides the talking monkey): a Black man is going to be the new Spectre! How cool is that?! *crickets*

6. There's an intergalactic war betwe--you know what? Let's just skip the whole Rann-Thangar War thing, because it was lame as hell. Or maybe I'm biased (I hate space epics).




Am I the only person who had An American Tail flashbacks while reading Power Girl's sides of the story?


7. Power Girl. Power Girl! Power Girl!! All boob jokes aside, Power Girl is probably the best thing DC and IC have going for them right now. They're using a lot of this story as a showcase for her and an opportunity to restore her original origins. And it's all coming off great. Everytime Power Girls stomps, lands, or whatevers into an IC crossover-related story, I'm never disappointed (get your minds out of the gutter, ASAP).

7. Earth-2 Superman, Earth-2 Lois, Superboy-Prime, and Alexander Luthor return from their nirvana. Ah, the meat of the story. Most of the situations and scenes involving these characters are great (especially Superboy-Prime -- nuttier than Jif, Skippy, and Peter Pan combined -- fighting a good chunk of the DCU heroes). But the whole "we saved the wrong Earth--this Earth is too dark, so let’s bring back the perfect Earth" thing is waaaaay too tongue-in-cheek and wink-wink-nudge-nudge for me. And I CAN'T be the only one who feels this way.

8. Alexander Luthor was behind allll the craziness in the COuntdown to IC stories. Does it not surprise you that a Luthor, no matter what universe he's from, can't be capable of a LITTLE evil?

9. Oh look, Donna Troy's back. Yay. And Jason Todd. Huh? And...Holy Moley...KID ETERNITY?!

10. Almost forgot...I hate the new Blue Beetle. I hate his face. I hate the fact that he's like 12 or something. I also hate the fact that he looks like a woman in costume. You'd think ancient mystical powers would be a lot less gender-ambiguous when it comes to fashion design.

SO...as of right now, Infinite Crisis is rating as a great big heap of "whatever, man" to me. Granted, it's more accessible than the original Crisis on Infinite Earths (but of course, most 80's comics were on that uber-complex thing), but it's almost too transparently a marketing ploy to boost interest in DC Comics. Ah, well...I'm sure when I'm 50 I can net a cool couple of bucks for my IC-related stuffs. And that is the motivation that keeps me buying.

Except for that Rann-Thangar stuff. Screw that crap.

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Shazam! lost.

Captain Esco is goin' down, son. Word is bond.

Go up to your average non-hip-hop fan (notice how I kept race and/or age out of this), and ask them who Jay-Z is. They'll probably know. Now, ask them who Nas is. They probably won't know. Now, tell them that Nas is as talented a rapper as Jay-Z, if not more so. Watch for the screw face: "If he was really that ill, wouldn't I have heard of him?"

Now, go up tp your average non-comic-book-fan (notice how I kept social interaction level out of this), and ask them who Superman is. Of course, they'll know. Now, ask them who Captain Marvel is. They probably won't know, or they'll tell you he (or she) is some sort of alien that rolls with Spider-Man an' nem. Tell them you mean the "Shazam!" guy, and then tell them that Captain Marvel is just as powerful and interesting a superhero as Superman, if not more so. Watch for the screw face: "If he was really that ill, wouldn't I have heard of him?" (or, alternately, "if he was that ill, wouldn't he have four monthlies dedicated to him?")

"Take THAT, motherfucker!"

The Superman/Shazam! rivalry is something of a comic book history legend. It's like the Jay-Z/Nas battle, but with less swagger and more lawyers:
Jay/Supes= the favored victor with all the money and the power
Nas/Cap= the underdog with the loyal fanbase and the more interesting output).

It's hard sometimes, though, to root for the underdog, especially when the overdog (yes, I just made up a word) has money and power (although not always respect) behind him. Even though Jay-Z is a camel and Superman is a dick, Jay-Z now owns Nas's soul recording contract, just as Superman owns Captain Marvel's soul publishing rights. And don't think either overdog has forgotten about the beef with the overdog. If it takes him years, Jay will bust Nas' chops. Maybe he can take a lesson for Supes, because, on January 4, 2006 (not a whole week into the new damned year), the Man of Steel finally found a way to permanently do away with the World's Mightiest Mortal. It took him fifty-five years, but he's proved to be a dedicated little bastard.

If you've been keeping up with Infinite Crisis and the Day of Vengeance miniseries and special (if not, you're damned late. Get thee to a comic shop!), you know that the Spectre murked the wizard Shazam (how is that possible? I thought ol' Shaz was dead). If you know that, you’ll also know that Shazam's lair, the Rock of Eternity, exploded into a billion pieces. Most of the rubble landed in Gotham City, and the already beleagured citizens of Gotham find themselves overcome by the Seven Deadly Sins and the other demons and monsters that were held captive in the Rock. In the Day of Vengence Special put out on January 4, damn near all of the magic-based heroes in the DC Universe, including Zatanna, the Marvel Family, the Shadowpact, and more, undertook a little impromptu arts-n-crafts project and reassembled the Rock to keep the wild magicks contained. Once they were done, Zatanna dropped Captain Marvel a bomb: the Rock is unstable without someone to watch over it, and Captain Marvel is the only person qualified.

So, instead of battling criminals, saving the world, and smiling all the way, Cap is going to be stuck for eternity inside the Rock of Eternity, playing solitare and tiddlywinks, and watching Lost reruns on Shazam's Historama device.

And somewhere, Superman is chillin' in his apartment, with Lois in his lap doing, well, her thing, and laughs to himself, "Cap lost."

The circle in the upper left hand corner reads "highest circulation of any comic." Yes, that included anything starring Superman's punk ass.

Perhaps some background info is needed.

Supes was created in 1938 by DC Comics, while Captain Marvel was created for Fawcett Comics in 1940 as a magic-based derivative of Superman (albeit, a better-written and drawn derivative that existed in a more imaginative universe). DC cried fowl (especially when they saw how well Cap was selling), and promptly sued Fawcett. Twelve years of litigation followed, during which time Cap beat Supes to the movie theatres and became the first superhero to appear in film, Captain Marvel Adventures outsold Superman for several years. Fawcett artist C.C. Beck gave Cap a distinctive, stylized, funny-paper look, which gave the character an appealing identity of his own. Fawcett writer Otto Binder created a whole spin-off "Marvel Family", giving Cap a jailbait sister (Mary Marvel), a Mini-Me (Captain Marvel Junior), three liuetenants (the Liuetenant Marvels), an unrealted fool who claimed he was an uncle (Uncle Marvel), another unrealted fool who claimed she was a cousin (Freckles Marvel), and a rabbit (yes, a rabbit: Hoppy the Marvel Bunny). DC, accusing Fawcett of biting their style, did some biting their damn self, and went and conjured up a Superboy, a Supergirl, a superdog, and (I am told) a supercat, a superduck, and a superhorse (the Kent farm must've been populated with Kryptonian livestock).

Regardless, DC kept fighting Fawcett in the courtroom. Fawcett won round one, after pointing out to the judge that DC had forgotten to copyright some of the Superman newspaper strips, and provoking the judge to declare Superman's copyright invalid. DC, pissed as all hell, filed an appeal and instigated a Takeover. Not only did DC win the suit, they squeezed 400 G's out of Fawcett and shut their comic book division down. Cap lost.

During the critical Silver Age of comics, when DC's Supes, Batman, and Flash became popular again, and Marvel Comics characters such as Spider-Man, the X-Men, and the Hulk stepped onto the scene, where was the World's Mightiest Mortal? The character who'd outsold Superman? That mofo was somewhere washing the shit offa Superman's boots, begging him for a chance.

"Don't think 'cause I'm holdin' this curtain open for your punk ass that shit is sweet. I own you, bitch. Your ass is still mine."

In 1972, DC gave Cap a chance, or at least pretended to: they set Cap up with a new comic book series called Shazam!. Why call it Shazam! instead of The All-New Captain Marvel Adventures or something else totally '70's? Because the aforementioned Marvel Comics had, while the Fawcett Captain Marvel was on ice, introduced their own Captain Marvel (geez, biting abounds here, don't it?) and copyrighted the name. Bastards.

So, yes, Captain Marvel was now back in publication...but that doesn't mean everything was squashed. Much of Shazam! was made up of reprints from the Fawcett days, and the new stories printed in it were so lame that C.C. Beck, whom DC had begged to come onboard for Shazam!, refused to illustrate them and quit after ten issues. Of course, Shazam! didn't do too well, and the series didn't last that long. By 1979, the once proud Marvel Family was livin' in shame, relegated to the back pages of World's Finest Comics. DC gave Superman a major motion picture. DC gave Shazam! a campy low-budget TV show (with a geeky fat guy playing Captain Marvel during the second half of its run) and a cartoon show, both done by the champions of crappy-ass cartoons, Filmation Studios. Cap lost. Again.

After the 1985 Crisis on Infinite Earths brought Captain Marvel into the mainstream DC Universe (he and the other Fawcett holdovers originally populated an alternate world called "Earth-S"), Cap was permanently established as "not-quite Superman", always depicted as being weaker, slower, and more inept than Supes. Moreover, they decided that since Cap was really a 14-year-old kid named Billy Batson, the character should act like an immature teenager, and as a result we have the infamous Keith Giffen/J.M. DeMatheis Dimwitt Marvel...a 230- pound, grown ass superhero who always babbles and carries on like a clueless, emo'd-out adolescent. Giffen and DeMatheis apparently forgot that first on the SHAZAM list is the "S" for Solomon. The wisdom of Solomon, that is. How could a motherfucker with the wisdom of Solomon try to lead the Justice League in an impromptu rendition of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" (and then bitch when they decline to do so)?

A battle of epic proportions is being waged. And at the center of it all:
"Holy Moley, Superman! Why can't we be friends?"
"Shut up and fight, motherfucker!"

There was no way this Captain Marvel could become a premiere DC universe star, and despite the efforts of Roy Thomas, Jerry Ordway, Judd Winick, and even the seemingly unstoppable Geoff Johns, barely anyone today gives three shits about Captain Marvel. Yeah, you might see Cap, Mary Marvel, or Captain Marvel Junior pull a cameo here and there or join a superhero team for a hot second, but they're always under- (and mis-) written in the process. The closest Marvel’s gotten to being cool within the last two decades was:

• Jerry Ordway’s The Power of Shazam! graphic novel and at least the first two years of the series that was spun of PoS (must avoid bad joke, must avoid bad joke). Although Ordway’s writing was sometimes spotty, he did bring back Mary Marvel, Cap Junior, most of the Marvel Family villains and allies…and even the bunny.


• Geoff Johns’ uses of Cap in JSA. Cap finallly overcomes the Dimwitt Marvel stigma a bit (every third word out of his mouth in that series was "wisdom"), and presses up on teenage superheroine Stargirl, only to get kicked out of the JSA because they think Cap's a pedophile. An interesting (if unsettling) look at how being a kid who turns into a grownup can indeed be a bad thing.


• Mark Waid. Alex Ross. Kingdom Come. ‘Nuff said.


• That episode of Justice League Unlimited was cool (although Supes handed Cap's ass to him in that fight)

Now, while Cap has third-string status in the DCU nowadays, the Captain Marvel universe is another story. For the last decade, DC writers have been writing around Cap, keeping him at least present and accounted for, but giving elements of his mythos more prominence and respect in the DCU than Cap has. The best example of this is Captain Marvel's greatest enemy, Black Adam, who went from being "I'm Captain Marvel's evil and corrupted opposite!" to being "I'm a hero again like Captain Marvel...but EXTREME!" through Jerry Ordway's and Geoff Johns’ talented work. In the process, however, DC, so intent on underplaying Cap all these years, discovered something they'd been looking for years in one of Cap’s related characters: Black Adam is a true anti-hero with an attitude, a dark past, emotional problems, his own brand of justice, and the will to kill in the name of justice. In other words, he's just like a Marvel Comics character (and in more precise terms, Wolverine). So, over the last two years or so, DC has been quietly shuffling Black Adam ahead of Captain Marvel, and Adam is now second-string while Cap is still chillin’ at third. Cap lost. And how.

Don't believe the hype.

And now, bringing us up to the Day of Vengence Special and Zatanna’s plan, Cap is gonna be spending however much time remains between now and the next big DCU shakeup stuck inside a big-ass Rock, doing absolutely nothing. You might could point out that Zatanna didn’t quite yet shut the Rock's front door on the Captain, but I don’t doubt that DC’s actually gonna get rid of Cap (hell, they got rid of the Blue Beetle AND the Flashes as well during the I.C. Note to DCU superheroes: if you’re a hero that cracks jokes, your ass is grass). Oh, they’ll keep Black Adam, though. They love that fucker. I dunno what they’ll do with Mary, Junior, or the bunny (please don’t hurt the bunny).

So, by buying out the underdog and pretending that everything is all gravy, the overdog can enact a covert plan to undermine and eventually do away with the underdog….(purportedly) once and for all. Nas, if you’re reading this, consider yourself warned.

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