Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Part 1: Team Phoenix

In some Internet circle during the whole Jen/Brad/Angelina saga, some gals made t-shirts to show who they supported and thus "Team Aniston" shirts were spawned. Of course, there are clones like "Team Jolie", "Team Brangelina", "Team Lachey", "Team Lohan", etc. team frost
As an X-fan girl, I'd rep "Team Phoenix." Mind you I love Emma Frost. She's the baddest bitch, has no qualms about her shady past, and what she'd do to you if you cross her. I'm on "Team Frost", but my problem is with Cyclops. I hate him.
Whenever I see two chick(enhead)s fighting over a guy, I all I can think is "Is he really worth it?" As for Cyclops, it's a definite no.
Like Rachel asks Havok in X-Men Unlimited #11 what Team Phoenix are thinking: Did Scott ever really love her? Maybe he should have taken some advice from Jay-Z, "Be an adult, have an affair and shit."
wicked stepmother?

Cyke and Jean were the X-Men's Reed and Sue Richards. After they got married in X-Men #30,
we thought they would eventually settled down and start having all those kids from alternate/possible futures. through death and through life
Sure, their lives are fucked up by this superpowered craziness, but love should keep them together. Instead now Reed and Sue have two kids, and Cyke's fucking the Emma "X-Bike becuase everybody's had a ride" Frost.
no need to comment
Maybe Scott isn't as jaded as the rest of us to believe that Jean won't come back, but we readers know mutants are N.E.R.D. like Pharrell, Chad, and that other guy. Just ask Colussus and Psylocke. Even Emma was MIA (okay, so she was in a coma).
By now we all know Jean's death equals "free to fuck some other broad" cards. The writers don't have the intestinal fortitude to make Cyclops a bad guy and have him willfully cheat on his wife, so they get rid of the wife.
Oops! Emma's surprise menage a trois didn't quite work out

Sure, it's not the first time Cyclops has shacked up with a broad while Jean's pushing up daisies. He married Madelyn Pryor.
He's not like Wolvie, Kurt, and Gambit, who have no problem lovin' 'em & leavin' 'em. These dudes keep moving on, but Scott gets tied down.
But why Emma Frost?

Part 2: Cyclops is into BDSM
Most of the ladies in Scott Summers life fit into a simple pattern: red-headed Jean Grey look-a-likes or sexy psi-talents.
The first group is obvious, so let's move on to the second group. Excluding their powers, they don't have much in common - the girl next door, the dragon lady, and the ice -oops, I mean diamond queen.
Their powers may have different facets, but at the most basic level they all share telepathy. What could be so sexually appealling about this power? Maybe Scott wants to know what it feels like to "get served by her while she's serving me" (my apologies to Common). Or just what it feels like for a girl to borrow from Madonna.
On the outside, all three seem cold and aloof, but there are hints they are freaks.
Psylocke's costume is a bathing suit, but the freaky detail are those strips up and down her legs. Is she into bondage? Well, she is British.
BetsyBossyDark Phoenix on Myspace
Jean's dark side was first shown when she was seduced into being the Hellfire Club's Black Queen. Just check out her corset, garters, and fishnets. And we all know when Emma first turned up at. Even Maddie got turned out as the Goblin Queen. So there's your S & M.
Who knows what scenarios go down in Cyclops' sick mind. When his costume covers his head , it makes him look like a gimp.
All that's missing is the ball gag.
It's always the leader types that like to be dominated. It's their way to release a little pressure off of their shoulders. I don't even want to look to closely at Cyke's relationship with Professor X.


melvin p. mouse said...

this was way more analysis than I ever wanted to see... but I couldn't look away!

You are nearly approcahing the point where the X-Men make sense.

(observation: Emma fans hate the fact she's with Scott, Scott fans hate the fact she's with Emma.)

neo said...

Honestly, I think Cyke really wants to test the waters out there but for some reason is so stuck on Jean the women he falls in *lust* with somehow share some kind of common trait as you mentioned..heck any dude with power eyesight gotta be a closet you know how they always have him exude this pseudo-good dude monogamous type attitude we know is pretty much fake..

Melanism said...

It always bugs me that Cyke never sat down and said "Why do I always end up with telepaths? Jean? Psylocke? Madelyne? Emma? Am I weak-willed like a Stormtrooper?"

buckshot said...

In Scott's defense, all of the women I've ever dated were dominatrix mind-readers too.

Marbles said...

I don't even get down with impure thoughts and comics or cartoons...but that pic of Emma frost burning the Valentine is sexier than all get out.

I don't think I fall into Team Phoenix or Team Frost...but I'm with you, I'm definitely Anti-Team Cyclops.

Bring back Jean and let her get down with Logan. Or Iceman, even.


*** MARBLES ***

JRennoldz said...

Emma is the baddest bitch to ever grace the squad! So nasty...
I get "it" now, thanks for the indepth analysis.

PS. Nice read!

M Belle said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
M Belle said...

I hate to add a comment to my own post, but if you click on the last picture of Jean in the post, you'll get Dark Phoenix's myspace.

It's officially the weirdest thing I've found on the web.

toothpick said...

Team Emma, brap brap, blup.

KangolLove said...

Bah! I support Team Zatanna. Or Team Photon. Or Team Wanda Maximoff.

PlatonJK said...

lol nice piece.

seriously though, scott is such a tool. how the hell can you trust psychic broads let alone women in general??

phenompyrus said...

Interesting read. Cyclops is a bitch, but he gets all the women everyone else wants. Nice guys finish last? Not in the X-Universe.

Anonymous said...

cyclops wants girls who he can pretend are giving him sexual desires (using mind control) because he feels too guilty about his own sexuality to act on it. this is because he was molested by Mr. Sinister.