Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Daredevil: Ladies Man

Here, catch this casket; it is worth the pains.
I am glad 'tis night, you do not look on me,
For I am much ashamed of my exchange:
But love is blind and lovers cannot see
The pretty follies that themselves commit;
For if they could, Cupid himself would blush
To see me thus transformed to a boy.
--from William Shakespeare's The Merchant Of Venice


I love girls, girls, girls, girls
Girls, I do adore
Yo put your number on this paper cause I would love to date ya
Holla at ya when I come off tour, yeah


Did you spend Valentine's Day alone? I will tell you who probably didn't.

Matt Murdock, Undercover Lover.

Has there ever been a superhero (from the Big Two) who has spent an equal amount of time on the streets and in the sheets?

Usually a character may have occasional relationships but they are always tied to ONE main woman.

Superman & Lois Lane. Spider-Man & Mary Jane. Wolverine & Mariko.

Only Batman comes close.

But Daredevil.

Let's look at the numbers:

Significant girlfriends/lovers: 8
Significant girlfriends/lovers who were killed/dead: 4 (Yes, including Elektra)
Significant girlfriends/lovers who tried to kill him: 4 (I'm counting Karen Page's selling his secret for a hit)


And you guys wanted to talk about Storm?!?

What is the power Matt Murdock hold over these dangerous chicks?

I mean as far as chick points: he's a lawyer, he's blind and a superhero.

So he can get them day and night.

Ladies love a charity case.

"Oh girl! Yeah, he's a lawyer and a superhero and all but let the cat knock the toothpaste over while he's out and he's all like 'Baaaaby...' It's so cute"

The only other potential 24 hours ladies man in comics is Batman/Bruce Wayne (millionaire by day, Batman by night) but the biggest difference is Matt's not batshit crazy.

Is it his sexual prowess? I mean, he's got them heightened senses. You know Stick taught him a trick or two. Seriously. Black Widow, usually stationed in Russia or California, always shows up in Hell's Kitchen. Why? She's not needed. I think she swings by Matt's window just to see what's up.
"Hey Matt. Wanna watch a movie?"

They say the insane asylum drove Typhoid Mary crazy. I think Matt was just trying out some new tricks and she couldn't handle it.

Karen Page. She got strung out when she tried to get away from the crimson shades.

Elektra. She came back from the dead for some of that braile lovin'.

It would be easy to say "Oh Daredevil's a pimp."

But no.

Because he does have one weakness.

He stays giving up the identity for ass.

Who hasn't slept with Matt Murdock and does not know he's Daredevil?

"Hey Matt. I don't think this is working out."
"Did I tell you I was Daredevil"
"But you're blind"
"I know. I got these heightened senses *wink**wink*"
"That is SO HOT"
"I know. Come back to bed."

Kingpin understood this. That's why after all the assassins and attempts he made on Matt's life, he put all his chips into Echo.
"Hi. Um. What's your name?
Cute gun"


Almost worked too.

So Matt's got the powers, a pimp cane (c'mon, a billy club with a string. You can't tell me a pimp didn't design that), a law practice and the ladies?

What's missing?

The wingman.

Matt Murdock has TWO.

Foggy Nelson by day. Spider-Man by night.

Matt, how many times do I have to tell you?
Mary Jane doesn't get down like that


If Mary Jane ever dies, it's going to be Matt who takes Peter to the strip clubs in Hell's Kitchen (P: "Matt, aren't you blind?" M: "Three words. Heightened. Senses. Lapdance.") and it's going to be Matt who says, "Yo, Peter. I know your wife died and all but...Black Cat. You ever hit that?"

So even though he's in prison right now.

I'm sure it won't take long for Matt to make somebody his bitch.

You can take the playa out the game...

11 comments:

buckshot said...

CLASSIC.

Gone said...

So, Storm is a hoe to be castigated, but Murdock is a lover to be admired? You know all this does is provide more evidence for the Lack of Dating Lives hypothesis ...

:) :) :)

JiggysMyDayJob said...

Funny very funny... But Ororo Munroe had em alllll..... She is a weather hoe!!

OUT

Melanism said...

I maintain that Storm is not a hoe.

We cannot call Storm a hoe and let Matt Murdock off the hook.

JRennoldz said...

Dr. Drew speaks! Great breakdown/analysis of uber-pimp Murdock.

MR. MAJOR said...

One of the best post yet.

KangolLove said...

Wizard had an article saying that by six degrees of seperation, Tony Stark has had sex with everyone in the Marvel universe.

The difference between him & DD, is Tony's hoes don't get killed.

Melanism said...

The DD on his chest also stands for "Death Dick"

When applying for health insurance in hell's Kitchen, one of the questions they have to answer is "Have you had sexual relations with Matthew Murdock?"

Marbles said...

Funniest entry yet. This is classic material, Melanism!

invisiblist said...

THIS WAS AWESOME.

neo said...

LOLOLOLOOLOLOOOL!

We certainly need heros with a comedy type/realism spin..thanks for this. You made my night fam.