Flash Thompson: Nerd Revenge Fantasy

Some guys just can't win. In 1962, Peter Parker was one of those guys. Bullies bullied him and girls ignored him – with the exception of his elderly Aunt, and that really doesn't count. Puny, broke and lonely, young Peter was the kind of guy you could relate to. I assume this was either because the men writing him could relate to him too, or they just knew their audience really, really well.

"The 'T' stands for 'Talk to the HAND, Parker!' Haw Haw!"

Then, in an ironic twist of fate, young Peter is granted superpowers; He goes from zero to hero, starts hanging out with the FF and The Avengers, and marries a super model. Oh, and that bully who used to torment him in high school becomes his #1 fan. And people say superhero comics are just adolescent male power fantasies!

That bully had a name, and a pretty badass one at that: Flash Thompson. He is the subject of this blog.

The thing about Flash Thompson is, back in High School, he was kind of an asshole. Now, nevermind the fact that back in high school everyone was an asshole (this is to prepare you for the real world, where everyone is an asshole). No, Flash was more like THE asshole. Girls, cars, popularity, football, etc. – everything that guys like Peter Parker spend their tormented youths hating and envying. And poor Flash Thompson has been paying for it ever since.

What follows Flash Thompson's Big Man on Campus years is a comeuppance of ridiculously epic proportions. He goes to war and is haunted by mystic assassins. He suffers serious bouts of depression and becomes an alcoholic. In love, he can only manage to pick up Peter's sloppy seconds. He gets in a drunk-driving accident – two of them, in fact – and ends up brain damaged to the point where he forgets what few redeeming qualities he'd managed to muster up over the years. Oh, and as it turns out, his father was an abusive alcoholic, so high school probably wasn't all that great for Flash Thompson after all. At least Peter had a decent home life. As if all this wasn't enough, it turns out all this time his first name is actually Eugene. I mean, seriously.



Daaaaaaaamn, homie! In high school you was the maaaaaaaan, homie!
...What the fuck happened to you?

You know what, I get it. I really do. These are superhero stories, and the golden rule of superhero stories is good guys win, bad guys lose. Somewhere very early on in life Flash Thompson must have fallen into the 'bad guy' category, and has been awarded his just deserts time and time again, despite many desperate grasps for redemption. But there's a line between justice and torment; it's actually quite a broad one, I think. And I can't help but wonder if the Peter Parker types reading and writing Spider-Man comics throughout the years don't derive just a little bit of pleasure out of making a whipping boy out of Flash Thompson. It's kind of sick, when you think about it.

You know, there was a brief period in the early 90s or so where Flash and Peter were actually pretty good friends. I always liked that development. Beyond just being a cool twist on the status quo, I think it showed a real willingness for growth. Not only in the characters of Peter Parker and Flash Thompson, but in superhero comics in general. Finally, we were ready to let go of all of the adolescent anguish we'd been harboring in our hearts and move on. You know, forgiving those that trespassed against us and what not. It didn't last. The nerds were still angry, and somebody had to pay. So once again Flash Thompson was reverted to his adolescent state, dragging us all down with him. He is currently a recovering alcoholic/functioning retard teaching a gym class at his old high school.

Some guys just can't win.

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Comic of the Week: Annihilation #4

What are you holding behind your back?
Noooooothing.

I was already to give Grant Morrison's Batman my vote for comic of the week but then I read this bad boy.

This is how you create tension in a comic book.

The first three issues have been hit or miss for me. You definitely get a sense of all the destruction going on and, unlike Seven Soliders, you can see how the mini-series tied into the main series (Seriously, how did Morrison think he could tie 7 miniseries into one 40 page comic book?).

But Giffen gave me the one thing I wanted more than anything this series.

Thanos.

It's no secret that he is my favorite Marvel villain of all-time., especially post-Infinity Gauntlet. When he's written correctly, like he is here, he comes across as a cool character who has done it all and now is just bored. He knows (or at least believes) he's the smartest person in the galaxy and that his only Achilles heel is his love for Death. Everyone is beneath him.

This issue we find out what Thanos' motivation for following Annihilus down this path of destruction while simultaneously Drax makes his way through countless armies to achieve his one goal: Kill Thanos.

Remember when Drax The Destroyer was a complete buffoon?

That moment has passed.

He is a unstoppable killing machine. To watch him make his way through the Annihilus Wave is nothing short of amazing.

This was a well-written and well-drawn affair and now it will be interesting to see how the rest of the mini-series works out.

Besides, tell me that is not one of the best covers of 2006.

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Spider-Man 3 trailer

It's on!

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City of Heroes

Warning: This post contains spoilers for the first four episodes of Heroes

The writing is kinda bad (which anyone who has read a Jeph Loeb comic since Batman "Hush" knows that's not a surprise).

Some of the actors are annoying (Milo Ventimiglia and Ali Larter).

The theme of the season is kinda lame ("Save the Cheerleader. Save The World." Seriously? That must have been some writers' brainstorm).

The characters act questionably (Hiro jumps into the past to an exact time and place Peter is on the subway, but doesn't know the cheerleader's name or address? Mohinder gets called crazy by Nathan and all of the sudden, he's ready to pack his bags and quit?).

So why do I (Well, "we" considering the ratings) love NBC's Heroes so much?

I remember when I downloaded and watched the pilot episode with a friend and we both agreed that it was okay but I could easily see myself being disinterested after a while.

Then I saw the second episode and I was all-but-ready to tune out and watch Monday Night Football and then we realize that Hiro teleported weeks into to the future and the day of the explosion that Issac foretold in his painting from the first episode.

Holy shit.

Then the third episode was equally suspect but then the train froze and there was Hiro with a ponytail, a sword and speaking perfect English to Peter "My hair won't stay out of my eyes" Petrelli.

Holy SHIT!

Clearly, the writers went to the Whedon School of Cliffhangers.

And now here I am hooked on yet another TV show.

The fourth episode didn't live up to the cliffhanger of the previous episode but seeing Nathan take off like a rocket and make a sonic boom in the sky made up for it.

Even though executive producer and creator Tim Kring says he has no background in comics, he has made the ultimate fanboy show.

It's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination (People who are comparing this favorably to the first season of Lost need to slow their roll and compare to the first season of The 4400*) but I'll be damned that every time someone uses their power, I don't smile like a little kid.

*Hopefully this won't turn into The 4400 where we're three seasons in and still don't know what the purpose of bringing them back.

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Civil War: The Bigger Picture

If you have not read Civil War #4 yet, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER. I have been waiting just as patiently as everyone else for this, especially after the way #3 ended. How cool was it to see Iron Man beating the hell out of Captain America? And the scene in the restaurant with the secret identities was cool too. When I first read #4 however, I was unhappy with what I was seeing.

I mean, that's not really Thor? The big death was Goliath? I felt let down by Marvel after waiting for a month.

But when I re-read it, I realized a few things. First off, this was no where near what I had been expecting after the end of last issue and with subsequent issues of FF and Spider-Man that took place after CW#3. Sure, it set up things like Spidey swapping sides and the FF splitting, and even had me thinking that Falcon was the one who bit the dust. But everything gets better with age. I like that it is not Thor. It gives Tony's faction something of a villainous side. Since when do heroes clone other heroes to fight other heroes? The last page also adds to this (btw, I know I saw Songbird, Taskmaster, Bullseye, Lady Deathstrike, Jack O'Lantern, and the new Venom, but who was the other dude in the back?). It would of course make sense if Marvel had the Pro-Reg heroes being controlled by a powerful villain, but that is the easy way out (and something that I may not forget for a while, so Marvel, if you are reading this, you better not dissapoint). This issue really showed us as the audience as well as the characters in the book what was at stake: This really is WAR, and Marvel is making a stand. The new Thor saw it that way, as did Cap, who was a bloody, pissed off mess the whole book. It costed Goliath his life because of his point of view. I think this issue really hit home when Sue Storm and Torch split the FF though. It was something that could have been predicted, just as the unmasking of Spidey was, at least for me. And the single coolest part of this issue? When Falcon picked up Cap and started flying away, he says 'Fall back and regroup! We've got to get out of here or we're all going down!' And what does the faux Thor say? 'You ARE all going down'. I had to crack a smile with that one.

Marvel seems to know what they are doing with this, as the post CW world is shaping up to be something completely different, but also something completely new and exciting. So far, they have revealed Spider-Man's identity (which we know will somehow be revoked, probably because they are setting him up as the 'traitor' to Iron Man, but damn it was a jawdropper anyway), killed an entire team in the first issue, and seemingly tore apart the Fantastic Four as we know it (another moment that will eventually be revoked, but I have been waiting for something different in FF for a long time, I just hope they can do something astounding like they did with the Avengers). I am really into this event. Usually, most endings and big shockers are easy to guess in this day and age because it seems that everything has been done before, but Marvel has managed to snag me, and I am on board. You all may say DC rules the world, but I am still screaming 'Make Mine Marvel'!

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